I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
