Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
