This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.