The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is