Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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