I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
