I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
