you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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