I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
