you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
