he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
