Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
