i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
