I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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