HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
