operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
