Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
