Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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