Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
