So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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