We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
