If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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