I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
