this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
