We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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