im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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