just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
