I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid