I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
