i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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