His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?