Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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