i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
