Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
