Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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