I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
