You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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