Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
