Someone shit on the floor
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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