You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
