While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As shirtless as possible
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
