After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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