I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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