Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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