I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
