I think i sorta joined a cult last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
