halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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