hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
PANTIES FOUND
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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