Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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