woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
