I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
