Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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