did you get engaged???
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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