So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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