Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize