he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
