I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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