You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
