I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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