the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
