All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
