I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
