So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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