my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
