Pappa wants mamma naked
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
