Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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