we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
