Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
