Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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