i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
